Saturday night and Last night about 7:00 mom called me.. dad was outside working on the porch ... She said.. Kim .. I have to ask you a question.. Please dont tell anyone I have asked this and Im having trouble with this.. but How long have we been married... I said Mom .. you and dad have been married for 59 years.. it will be 60 years in October .. She said.. Kim Why can't I know that.?? thats what 'he' says ... If we have been married all that time WHERE HAS HE BEEN>??? (angry) I said .. mom he hasn't gone anywhere .. he wouldn't leave and he has been right by your side all these years... She said I believe you because you say it .. but Kim .. why can't I remember it if 'he' has been here .. Have I been married to someone else? I tried to tell her and explain lots of things they did together over the years and things like that... I tried to let her know dad has always been part of her life since they got married... I asked her if she was afreaid and she said .. no .. not now that you have told me who 'he' is.... I see him and I know him but I don't see him as my husband... I told her to go upstairs and get the photo albums and there she can see all the years of happiness they have enjoyed .. Then she asked me if I've seen their new house. I told her I have .. I loved her house ... She asked me how long they have lived there.. I told her 28 years... and she said .. thats what 'he' says but it seems to me we just moved in.. I dont recognize it as my home... I don't know where I am here.. I like this home Its really cute .. but I dont recognize it as home. I tried soothing her and she got off the phone.... but then called me right back and said... Do I call him Doug? I told her yes... and she said ok.. Im going to go out and see what he is doing... I just keep thinking .. if he is working so hard on this house he MUST live here .. but I just don't know who he is. I told her I would come down if she needed me but she said .. you are busy.. I'll be ok..... She said ... Im glad you told me who he is because I've not been nice.. I've been standoffish because I dont know him.
I called Jayme and she went over with the kids - even though it was bed time for them... she went over and stayed about an hour... I told her to ask for a photo and that way mom wouldn't know I called her .. and it would be a good way to get mom looking at old pictures... Jayme said she started looking through and started pointing out everyone .. she could name everyone except Valerie... she didn't know Valerie in ANy of the pictures. She would Ask Jordan who it was.... She even went in and got a picture collage of Jordan when he was about 2 to show the kids. She was ok when Jayme got there .. they were in the house watching a movie. ... Jayme said she seemed fine... Im so thankful they are right there... because I was worried about not being there if she was afraid. .
- Kim Foster Ellis
I just talked with Dad ... he said yesterday mom was doing great but as soon as they left your house Mike mom was worried because she couldn't remember where they had been or why they were out.. Dad said she wanted to know every detail about what they were doing out.. and when she got back home she had no recollection of being anywhere at all.. She didn't know they had even left the house...
Dad also told me of mom going downstairs in the middle of the night a couple nights ago. He said he woke up in the middle of the night and mom wasn't there .. he said it scared him.. he asked if she was in the bathroom and she didn't answer so he went downstairs and the kitchen light was on and she was asleep on the couch. He said he woke her up and asked her why she was downstairs and she had no idea why she was there... I asked him about putting an alarm or lock on the door and he said if she does it again he would but he is concerned about putting a lock because if they needed out she might not be able to get our... an alarm like he used to have on the back door would be the thing to do .. but he is worried that she might be afraid.. he said he would probably find that alarm and tell mom its for security purposes.. because she asks every evening a lot of times.. if the doors are locked and if everything is safe...
- 18 May
Kim Foster Ellis
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Hillary and I went down to mom and dads to move the craft area upstairs in the cubby in mom and dads bedroom and put twin beds in the craftroom ... This will be really nice for dad to gradually get moved downstairs. I do believe he is having as much trouble with the adjustments as mom will have... its not easy changing things up.. he worries about what mom will say .. when she goes to bed she wants to be snuggled up next to him but in the middle of the night she is unsure of who he is .. so she wants to go downstairs and sleep on the couch ... not sure why she wont go to one of the bedrooms.. now that the twin beds are there maybe they can start out upstairs and move downstairs in the night. Just change things as it helps! ??
We still need headboards, sheets and dust ruffles to finish off the beds... and also need pretty wall decorations for the wall above the headboards.
Dad and I had a good time to talk on the way to find mattresses and box springs. We talked about how mom is good some days and worse others... how she knows how to call me
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June 23, 16
Last night I got a txt from mom... (she has been txting me, "how long have I been here?" "Im excited that you are coming but do you love me hahahahha" I txtd her I love her to the moon and back and she replied "hahaha I aint going that far hahahah" ) Last night .. she said ... "I think im going to try to get a job just between u and me please"
I talked to dad today and he said they had had a long talk about money and she is terribly upset that she has to mooch off of him and he told me she is going downstairs in the middle of the night, he is having to coax her back to bed because she can't remember they are married.. in her mind she is living in sin because she is sleeping together.. He can't get her to understand .. I wish he would just say lets sleep in the twin beds for the rest of the night.. I know she would probably wake up wondering why they are downstairs but for the night she would feel better. He should at least try.. Although I KNOW it must be terribly hard on him .. Change has never been easy for him.
Last night I was talking to mom on the phone and she got real antsy .. she asked me what time it was.. we had been talking about something and she stopped listening and asked me what time it is... I told her 9:05 and she said .. oh my goodness I looked outside and saw it was getting dark so I knew it must be late.
The other day I was talking to mom before supper and she was just talking and talking and she stopped and said.. well your dad has food ready for supper .. or lunch or breakfast .. which ever it is...
June 26th..
I sent this to dad this morning ... Hey daddy... I dont know if you knew mom called me yesterday.. while you were in Aldi.. she called and then hung up .. then I tried to call her back and she didn't know how to answer it or it was on mute? anyway.. she called me back and asked if I knew Doug Foster... . she wanted to know if he was OK.??she was panic'd in her voice and she told me she knew something was wrong because she should know you but nothing was familiar... she said my home isn't familuar and he isn't familuar .. she wondered if you were ok to be with or if she needed to do something else... This worries me because if I wasn't there to answer her call I wonder if she would have taken off? she was really worried about it and she wasn't sure it was ok to be there at aldi with you.. I sure hate that this is happening to her... I dont know what to do to help her... I called the Alz association and she said I said the right things to her ... she said never tell her reality.. she wont know it... she said to say things like .. mom he is ok... he is a nice guy that I know and love .. he will always be there for you.. he would never hurt you... The lady said... with her calling me when you are away is a good sign because most alz people get nervous and they get angry or agitated.. she said most of the alz people when they dont know someone (especially the one closest to them for all those years) they get upset and want them to leave... but she said since mom is worrying about your feeling with not wanting to talk around you or whispers when you leave the room that means her personality is still there and she is probably going to be calm.. but she said all alz people are different and one day she can snap and not be ok with it. so be aware..The lady said never to leave her alone even for 10 minutes in the store... or at home... The lady told me I should get on the web site and get her enrolled in the Alz protection plan... where they will send her a bracelet and you will need to make sure she wears it all the time... she said with her getting panicd in the car while you were in Aldi she might have decided to walk away and try to go home. I dont think at this time she would do that but I dont know... Hopefully she wont ever wander but the lady said that the disease is changing .... with her not knowing you / your relationship / home/ the next step is anxiety and wandering. .. I told her you put alarms on the doors and she was happy about that. Mom kept asking me if you were ok yesterday... and she said.. I can't talk he's coming ... I asked her if she was afraid and she said she was but she would be ok since I said you were ok. She is a good faker and she doesn't let her feelings show a lot of times... but I heard fear in her voice yesterday that I hadn't heard before. that scared me. Then last night when I called she said you guys were talking over her check and she was glad she had a check come in that she wasn't mooching off of you.... I told her my check goes straight to the bank also and I told her you were good at doing the bills and taking care of things but if you needed anything you would make sure she got it... The alz lady said that is another step in Alz .. making sure they still have 'their' things.. I love you daddy.. I wish I were closer so I could help more!!! I'll be there tomorrow !!!
- Monday
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- TO a friend that asked about mom... : May 16th, 2016
- Mom called me Saturday and said.. "I dont know how to tell you this.. I dont even know how to speak it... but your guy's dad is here.... I said... OK .. she said Whats his name? I told her Doug.. She said .. NO the other one.. I KNOW Doug.... I just gently said ... mom.. Doug is my dad... Is he there? She said ...No (meaning not Doug).. its the guy that owns that house in Culloden.. he's out mowing.. so there went the conversation again about her being married to dad Doug and they have been married for almost 60 years... I asked her to look at her wedding rings... and she sternly told me DOUG didn't buy me these rings.. I bought these rings from Hazel Johnson... I told her her wedding rings were stolen and she bought the rings she wanted to replace them .. yes from Hazel Johnson... but she then went to WHere has Doug Been all this time if we have been marrried that long and why did he just bring me to this house in Culloden... OH it breaks my heart! Its so hard to know where she comes up with stuff like this... I worry now for daddy of course.. he is just a mess... Dad has always been a by the book guy and everything is in order and nothing changes once its been set... this has thrown him for aloop... he continually wants to correct her especially if they are in public... He rarely takes her to church now because she just talks to everyone (and knows very few of them.. but talks to them like she's their very best friend) I took her to a mother daughter dinner at the Baptist church with my aunt Winnie and Mrs Wertz (Bill's mom) came up to her and asked her if she could drop by her house and have mom give her some pointers on how to arrange flowers. . I messaged Debbie and let her know to tell her mother n law that mom would LOVE to do that but she might stop in at the time Mom has no idea how to arrange a flower or she might not even remember thats what she used to do... When your dad was still at home .. how did your mom deal with the questions.. Did she just let your dad think things were they way he thought or did she try to help him figure it out.... when I tell mom she's lived there for 30 years she gets angry .. because She would remember that if she had... or sometimes she says.. please don't tell anyone I have having such a terrible problem with my memory.... There are times I want to take her to a different doctor because its so hard to believe she has this terrible disease.. because she can be talking to you like nothing every has been wrong and then she goes into another world... Wow >> I just dumped on you didn't I .. I don't expect you to get right back with me .. just when you have a few pointers for us... that would be helpful! I am so sorry you had to deal with this tooo.. I hope there was someone for you guys that had been through it... sometimes it helps to talk with someone who knows first hand.. so many people thing that alzheimers is a disease and as soon as they are diagnosed they know nothing and they say stuff like .. well atleast they dont know whats happening... they don't see the fear and confusion on the face. or in the voice.
- Her response :
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6-7-16
I just sent this to dad....Mom just called me. She was very angry.. she said you are taking her money and she doesn't have any money at all. She said she doesn't have money in her purse or anywhere .. I told her you don't see the checks they are automatically deposited and social security doesn't send out checks any more.. I told her to go look in her purse because she had lots of money in it last weekend when I was there ... but she said she didn't know where her purse was . She said that guy in there is taking my money so I went over it again. I asked her if that guy was Doug and she said ha NO .. and I asked her to go look and she said yes .. well yes it is .. what's wrong with me .. I guess I was so mad I couldn't see straight.. And then she calmed down. Then she started talking like nothing was wrong ..but then I noticed it was because she came in the house and you were in ear shot. ...
I'm only telling him so he knows what's going on in her head at the moment. I don't want him to do anything about it . Just Beware!
I sent this to dad also: I don't need you to do anything.. I just want you to know what's going on in her head .. I was very concerned when she called me and was so upset .. I dont want her to hurt you dad .. she had no idea who you were .. she wouldn't be hurting You she would be hurting the person that she thinks is robbing her .
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I just sent this to dad....Mom just called me. She was very angry.. she said you are taking her money and she doesn't have any money at all. She said she doesn't have money in her purse or anywhere .. I told her you don't see the checks they are automatically deposited and social security doesn't send out checks any more.. I told her to go look in her purse because she had lots of money in it last weekend when I was there ... but she said she didn't know where her purse was . She said that guy in there is taking my money so I went over it again. I asked her if that guy was Doug and she said ha NO .. and I asked her to go look and she said yes .. well yes it is .. what's wrong with me .. I guess I was so mad I couldn't see straight.. And then she calmed down. Then she started talking like nothing was wrong ..but then I noticed it was because she came in the house and you were in ear shot. ...
I'm only telling him so he knows what's going on in her head at the moment. I don't want him to do anything about it . Just Beware!
I sent this to dad also: I don't need you to do anything.. I just want you to know what's going on in her head .. I was very concerned when she called me and was so upset .. I dont want her to hurt you dad .. she had no idea who you were .. she wouldn't be hurting You she would be hurting the person that she thinks is robbing her .
We still need headboards, sheets and dust ruffles to finish off the beds... and also need pretty wall decorations for the wall above the headboards.
Dad and I had a good time to talk on the way to find mattresses and box springs. We talked about how mom is good some days and worse others... how she knows how to call me
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June 23, 16
Last night I got a txt from mom... (she has been txting me, "how long have I been here?" "Im excited that you are coming but do you love me hahahahha" I txtd her I love her to the moon and back and she replied "hahaha I aint going that far hahahah" ) Last night .. she said ... "I think im going to try to get a job just between u and me please"
I talked to dad today and he said they had had a long talk about money and she is terribly upset that she has to mooch off of him and he told me she is going downstairs in the middle of the night, he is having to coax her back to bed because she can't remember they are married.. in her mind she is living in sin because she is sleeping together.. He can't get her to understand .. I wish he would just say lets sleep in the twin beds for the rest of the night.. I know she would probably wake up wondering why they are downstairs but for the night she would feel better. He should at least try.. Although I KNOW it must be terribly hard on him .. Change has never been easy for him.
Last night I was talking to mom on the phone and she got real antsy .. she asked me what time it was.. we had been talking about something and she stopped listening and asked me what time it is... I told her 9:05 and she said .. oh my goodness I looked outside and saw it was getting dark so I knew it must be late.
The other day I was talking to mom before supper and she was just talking and talking and she stopped and said.. well your dad has food ready for supper .. or lunch or breakfast .. which ever it is...
June 26th..
Mom has slept in the twin beds a couple times... once dad let her go by herself and see what she thought when she got up.. she was confused all day wondering why she had slept downstairs.
Foster Reunion
We got to Williamsburg in 8 hours ... 6.5 is the usual.. but we did get out and go in Wendy's for lunch. We had a great time there.. mom was confused as to where we were ... why we were there and who some people were.. but she seemed to know a lot of family.. We went out to eat and then went to Lowel and Inez's... we stayed way too late for mom.. She got too tired and she didn't know where she was .. saying many times.. she knew an Inez and That wasn't Inez... she kept talking like we were at my house and then all the sudden she asked Everyone.. well, Where in the world am I ... we took her to the lodge and got her settled.. but Dad said she was up till 3:30 asking questions. the next few days she seemed to do fine! She would repeat things and ask who was who but other than that she didn't act too much like she was confused to the point of aggravation or being afraid.
July 6
I talked to mom and dad on Skype for about an hour at 8:00 .. then got off the phone.. mom was very attentive to dad and hugged him and patted his head and shoulder... she didn't have any problems at all.... at 11:00 - 11:15, I got a call as to if I thought it was ok to be there with Doug... since they weren't married.. would people understand or would they talk.. I talked to her a lot about they were married and they had the marriage license on the hearth in the living room .. she said.. OH Yeah... thats right.. but she hung up and called Jeremy ... Jeremy didn't answer right away but called her back but she doesn't know how to answer the phone.. so Jayme called dad... dad let Jayme talk to mom. Mom was settled but then called me again at 11:45. She was very upset that she couldn't get it in her head that she was married and Doug kept saying they were.. but she has terribly upset him and he is very sad. She kept asking if she was going crazy because she can't remember anything and she is very worried that she will have to go to the looney bin. I told her because she has had so many surgeries on her elbows she has memory lapses but she will remember again and she would be ok.. we would never put her in a looney bin... she asked me if I would talk to Doug because he was very upset and sad... she asked me to help him... and asked me if I would mind doing that... i told her I would talk to Doug anytime because he is my daddy! She said she appreciated me talking to him... and she stood there and listened to me talk to him... he was a mess... he told me the next morning he had no idea how to calm her down... he was at his wits end when she wasn't calming down. I talked to her again after I talked with dad and she said she was ok now... and I assume she went to bed and went to sleep. I dont really know.. I dont know if dad would tell me if she was up all night.
